He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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