Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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