I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
