like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
