Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
