I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
