I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And then he peed in my hair
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize