my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
