i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
