I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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