I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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