He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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