Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
