got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
