no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
