The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
