My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
