So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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