btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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