My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
