She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize