The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
