I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize