Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
