If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
