Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
