I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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