I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Two words: blizzard sex
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
