sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
