i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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