how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
