I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
