well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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