no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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