You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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