Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
