if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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