As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
