Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
