i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Edward fifth and chaser hands
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
