bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
