I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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