How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
