Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
