Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
