whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
