Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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