I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
