Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
