i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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