She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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