So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
