Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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