if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
