Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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