Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
