Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
