everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
