Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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