What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
