I'm jealous of your bromance
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize