I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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