It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
