Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize