Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
