At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
