Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
