my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
