I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
