i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
