I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize