Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
