Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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